195 - Forum Diplomacy Steel Rex

[HeadHoncho]

OOC: I'm all for war and fighting, just not hard feelings.

[DuPont]

TR-WA
Big Chief No Fart was already in a bad mood when Noxious Vapus showed up with a note from the Red Mage. "Idiot Baron. I sent him to town in water, he supposed to take it! Not sit on his ugly ass and spend gold from treasury in taverns!"
"Well, you didn't actually tell him to do that this month," Noxious Vapus pointed out carefully.
"He supposed to know! I supposed to order everything? Idiot. Send message NOW! He get that town to join us this month or I sent out royal guard to cut off his balls and nail them to the gate!"
Noxious Vapus opened the note from the Warlock. This wasn't going to improve his king's mood. He stammered over the first sentence when Big Chief No Fart came over and snatched it out of his hand.
"Oh, shut up, stupid. I know how to read. You think I get to be Big Chief without knowing that?" He looked over the ornate scroll. Noxious Vapus, while caught totally off guard by his king's literacy, did note that it took him twice as long as it would have taken him to just read it aloud. Then Big Chief No Fart crumpled it up and threw it in the fire.
"Skinny, arrogant sissy! Candle-Hands no tell me what to do! As if we sneaking around Amberland! Tell Firebrain we send him message last turn telling him where neutral town was! He not even send message of thanks! Now he act like it some secret we marching around when we already tell him this. And this after his fleets attack us and he never even say sorry! I got a good mind to..."
"Big Chief," Noxious Vapus cut in before the angry king could order an ill-timed invasion. "You said you didn't want to fight the Warlock, remember? He has left our town alone. Let's not start a war over a misunderstanding."
Big Chief No Fart made a visible effort to calm down. He took several large gulps of ale and then plunked down on his throne.
"Tell Human Campfire our patrols go where they want. We fly our flag proud and we don't sneak. We not there to fight with Torch Pecker - if we go to fight, he know! If he so worried about where we go, let him trail us."
Noxious Vapus left the king to write the message. It could have gone worse, he knew. Fighting the WA would probably bring in the GI as well. And all that fire - well, no Troll liked fire very much. Hopefully the king's rather aggressive reply would be accepted. He might have tried to tone down the King's words, but now that he knew he could read...well, he didn't think the King would take kindly to that. And while he didn't use them very much, Noxious Vapus was quite fond of this scrotal sac. He had no wish to see it nailed up anywhere!

[HeadHoncho]

GN-WI

Dread King of the North,

We received your request for an alliance with pleasant surprise. We will reciprocate. Actions always speak louder than words, and your actions have proven you to be friends of the Gnomish Alchemical Monarchy.

We are determined to help you become the preeminent magic Kingdom in the land!

Best,
Bottlenose, for the Gnomes

[Vulkar]

DW-DA

Lord of the Drow,

The world of Alamaze bears witness to my attempts to pursue peace with your nation. I offered peace, and I offered to negotiate for my town in the Steppes, and every communique was met with either silence or illogical intransigence.

I shall state clearly, again, that I do not want war with the Darkelf, and I am legitimately saddened that my attempts to befriend you have seemingly failed. Perhaps that's what you intended. Whatever the case is, I place the responsibility for this failure at your feet. You only needed to engage me in constructive diplomacy to avoid conflict.

In despair and disappointment,

King Oban

[Vulkar]

DW-DA

Lord Of The Rangers of the Frontier Marches,

The Drow Lord's slander of your reputable kingdom despite an unequivocal record that exonerates you of his ridiculous accusations of betrayal demands that all just nations support you in your cause. I stand by your kingdom and propose that we marshal our forces and bring about as rapid and complete a prosecution of the Darkelf nation as our combined might allows. Perhaps we can enlist another nation to assist.

What say you to this proposition?

With might and honor,

King Oban

[Vulkar]

DW-UN

Master of Shadows,

I am aware of the whereabouts of your town in the Mountains. I have respected your domain of that population center and will continue to do so, however that is contingent upon you affording me the courtesy of not furnishing my potential enemies with information or conducting covert operations against my kingdom. My agents are already unnecessarily occupied protecting my city and towns from further attempts at thievery.

I've given thought to making use of your services, though I have found your STD-based pricing somewhat unaffordable. Perhaps you might be interested in some territorial expansion in the Eastern Steppes, which I can assist in effecting. If you watch closely you'll see the direction in which the winds are blowing across the Sea of Drowning.

With respect,

King Oban

[Vulkar]

DW

Lords of Alamaze,

Despite not being the most reputable builders of ships in Alamaze I've been leveraging my economic strength to build fleets in the Sea of Drowning that shall some day comprise a fleet that will be the envy of Alamaze. I've already initiated sea patrols and wish all kingdoms to know. If you wish to traverse that sea safely please consider consulting with my quartermasters first so that there aren't any inadvertent encounters that might result in unwanted losses.

King Oban

[Vulkar]

...normally I would not take any aggressive actions against a newer player until after turn 10...

DW

I regret if my status as a "non-podium" player deceived anyone about my Alamaze experience. As I stated in other areas of these forums not long ago I'm not a new player, or at least outside the context of the Resurgence. I used to wait anxiously by the mailbox for the hard copy results to come in so I could mail my orders back in promptly, lest the usual US/Canada mail delays cost me a turn. A lot has changed since then, but not the game, thankfully. This is my second game (not including one partial game as a standby) since a very long time ago.

I'm not sure if any Valhalla records exists from back then, but henceforth, to be fair, I'll consider myself a podium player and refrain from any gold bonus now that I feel like I'm fully back in the swing of things. So says I till I get my ass crushed.

[Jumpingfist]

GN-WI

Dread King of the North,

We received your request for an alliance with pleasant surprise. We will reciprocate. Actions always speak louder than words, and your actions have proven you to be friends of the Gnomish Alchemical Monarchy.

We are determined to help you become the preeminent magic Kingdom in the land. You may recall we once had discussions at a conclave about strategies to help ensure that. We stand ready to enact those protocols imminently, should you confirm your desire to do so.

Best,
Bottlenose, for the Gnomes

OOC.  A bit uneasy about this exchange would seem a message talking about conversations in the past outside the game.   The declaring ally across the board with no talking also a bit odd for this format.

[HeadHoncho]

OOC: Happy to talk about it. Just trying to be subtle about old public and private discussions about general tactics. The Ally/Eneny declarations, I assume are fair game without forum communications, as some people may prefer not to deal with 23 pages of writing to accomplish some simple goals.